If they’re not really favoring anyone else more than you, than I would accept that it’s healthy for your partner to have a life outside of you and try to get over it as best you can. I know jealousy isn’t logical, but if you keep being jealous for no reason then it’s going to wreck your guys’ relationship.
If they actually seem to be treating somebody else more affectionately than they do you, then I would talk to them about it. I would probably just be blunt with ‘Hey, so what’s going on with you and XXXX?’. If they say that they’re just friends and give a pretty specific explanation to why they’re being very friendly to that person, then I would trust them. If they just say ‘We’re just friends’ and tries to change the subject, it’s really your decision on what to do, but at that point I’m playing the Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You card, because if they cheat on you it wouldn’t surprise me.
Evaluate yourself. Have you had trust issues with previous partners? Is this your first partner? What’s your perspective on human kindness? Would you distrust anyone who did what your partner was doing?
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
If you think that all humans are greedy and evil, then it may make more sense why your jealous of your partner. It may not necessarily be something they did, but more a result of your outlook on life.
When it comes down to it, you either tell him how you feel, or you get over it. You have to do one. But it’s your job to fairly decide how much of it is them and how much of it is you, and address the issue in a mature manner.
If you and your partner aren’t really the type of people who talk about your emotional issues(which is fine not everybody wants to), then I would take a minute to evaluate how they currently treat you now. A lot of times, jealousy is relative, and if you were a neutral observer of all of your partner’s interactions, you would realize you probably don’t have anything to be jealous of. I realized that once when I was sitting next to my crush, but they were talking to someone two seats down on the opposite side from me, and at first I was jealous of that person two seats down, but then I realized that I wouldn’t want to be two seats down from my crush because I would end up talking to them even less.
What are your darkest taboo confessions?
Similar with trust issues with previous partners. It’s more normal to be paranoid, but it’s still undeserved to your partner if they didn’t do anything.
I think it goes without saying that if this is your first partner, then it’s normal to be a little worried that they might leave you. It’s your first, and you want it to go well. Here’s the thing though: being a little worried(internally not externally) is sweet, but being overly paranoid is a major turn-off. Partners don’t want to feel like they constantly have to reassure their partner that they won’t leave them.
There’s not just one surefire way to approach this issue, but I’ll name a few ways off the top of my head.
Why am I so tired of the keto diet?
If you feel like you can talk to your partner about your feelings and they’ll take what you say seriously, then there’s no reason not to just tell them, ‘sometimes I get jealous and then I feel like I don’t trust you’. Try to make it clear that you’re telling them this because you’re admitting it’s your problem, because anyone is more likely to be compassionate and try to help you if they don’t feel blamed. Also, don’t give them the impression that you’re asking them to change themselves unless what they’re doing is really bad(say vigorously flirting with other people of your gender).
